There is a song that goes like this, "Once I'm with the wizard my whole life will change, cause once your with the wizard no one thinks your strange.... and this gift or this curse that I have inside maybe at last I'll know why, when we are hand in hand, the wizard and I."
You see, that makes sense to me... a girl who doesn't fit in, who feels so special and important inside, but in this world she has been stuck in, it comes off as just really different. It's not a good thing here and she hopes that one day someone is going to come along and reveal her destiny and take her away to a place where she fits in and all that passion inside will be appreciated and applauded. She craves it so much and hasn't given up hope that this "Wizard" will come.
No matter how confident a person you are... and my self esteem is pretty well in tact... everyone wants to know that they are important and that they have a purpose...a destiny to fulfill. Ever since I was little I felt so much bigger than I ever was. I was strong willed and confident, and I had so much passion about so many things. If a commercial for Feed the Children would come on, that would be all I could think about for days. I'd sit in class and feel so trapped, knowing that there was real things to be done out there. I was so incredibly ready to get to work, and being trapped in those schools was very hard for me. I wrote to the Peace Corps and St Jude Hospital when I was thirteen. I begged them to let me come help. I wanted that so much. Instead, I got very sweet letters saying that they appreciated my passion, and that they looked forward to having me join their team when I turned eighteen. I think they even sent me stickers. It was very sad for me. To have all that passion and not have an outlet... that is a very destructive thing.
When I was in Chicago I saw this school that is amazing. It's social service charter school for kids. Kids from kindergarden all the way up spend 2 hours everyday doing projects with nursing homes, cleaning parks, volunteering at non profits, and so many other amazing projects. In addition, these kids are required to complete a large number of Service Learning hours to graduate.... even in kindergarden!!! I love it, and I am so happy they make these kind of schools. Imagine a fourth grader who recycles, volunteers at a nursing home, has worked in adaptive classrooms, helps serve lunch at a Children's HIV hospital, and is a pen pal with a kid his age in Kenya. I met that kid, and he was so funny and sweet and absolutely no different than the other 16 of his classmates. These are the kids that will change the world. They are surrounded from day one with people from all walks of life, and they are learning more than just math and reading...they are learning to make things better. I had no idea schools like these existed until I went to Chicago back in 2005. Since them, I've seen them all over. I am amazed, and believe that I would have excelled in schools like these.
I am I. We all arrive where we are for a reason... I really believe that. So, I am grateful for the path I took and wouldn;t change even the hard things, because the good and the bad almost always effect each other. Take away the bad, and that lesson goes away too. Some of my hardest transitions made me more open to take the next leap! I dreaded leaving Disney because I was so happy there. Without leaving Disney behind though, I would not have had my Americorps year. That was the best time of my life, and I spent every moment with my team. We had amazing adventures and I loved them all like family. That goodbye was the hardest of all, and I almost fell apart even at the thought of it. It was hard, but without that goodbye, I would not have had the next...very important... hello. Leaving Denver meant coming to Chicago and then Milwaukee.... which was the happiest time of my life.
I say all of that to say this... I wouldn't trade my past for anything, but I am still hoping that one day I will find a place where I fit in. I want to be around people with that same passion and who challenge and excite me. I thrive on competition and high expectations. I know there is a place out there that can give me all that I am looking for and that I can share my talents with. I may never find that place, but I will never stop craving it. So Wizard, wherever you are... come find me :)
