First, let me just say that I am so very grateful for all of my aunts, cousins, and people along the way who stepped in to help parent me in one way or another. For the sake of this entry though, I want to focus on a handful of women who stepped in at various points of my childhood and helped me get through some of life's bumpier roads.
I am going to start with my Aunt Judy. In all ways that count, Judy was my second parent. There are very few memories from my early childhood that don't involve my mom and Judy together. They were a team, raising their two boys and sharing me. Now, I was spirited from a very early age and I think we all know that this trait came from my mom. But there was another, very obvious trait, that I developed as a result of Judy's influence. I was a neat freak and as organized as you could imagine. I loved to help Judy clean, and spent hours lining up perfume bottles by height and color. This was where Judy and I spent a lot of one on one time together and I craved that so much. She was proud of me, and I craved that too. Our other big connection was church. Every Sunday, without fail, Judy would get me all dolled up and take me to Bible Center. I loved church and was very involved in everything. I would sit beside her sometimes, and I could feel how proud she was of me and how much she loved having me there. I was the little girl she had always wanted, and she was the one person (aside from my mom) whom I would go anywhere with. I remember times when a few of the aunts would be going to the store and all the kids would beg to go. They said no because there were just too many of us and it wasn;t fair to only let some. What the kids never knew is that I would sneak in and ask Judy and look so sad and she would let me go hide in the car as long as noone knew. She always made exceptions for me and that made me feel very special. She has always been there for me, no matter what, and gives me that same unconditional love that I got from my mom. I owe Judy so very much and a kid could never ask for two more amazing parents than my mom and Judy.
My Aunt Betty didn't really play a role in my life until I was in my teen years, and even then, it was indirectly, through her children and grandkids. I always new Betty as my mom's wild party pal from her youth. She had lived with mom when we were little, but I didn't really know Betty all that well. About the time I entered my teen years, Betty became a grandma and soon after, she had two more boys of her own. With all these new kids around, mine and Betty's world became very intertwined. Her two boys and three grandkids became very important in my life and I was soon spending most of my time with them. Betty and I sat through endless basketball games and cheerleading practices, Halloween parties, and church plays. I learned so much from watching Betty with all of her kids. There is so much we didn't agree on, and that led to some pretty heated arguments. But there was also something so very familiar about Betty. She was fierce when it came to protecting her kids. I remember people saying that I overreacted when someone hurt one of the kids I cared about, but with Betty, it was all out war if you dared to make one of them cry. For that, I admired her so much. Another thing I really admired about her was her faith. Betty was someone who had been through hell. She had endured more hurt than anyone I had met, and yet, there she sat in church with her boys every Sunday.... grateful. She refused to whine, or feel sorry for herself. She chose to see all her blessings and not dwell on the hard thing she was going through. She took the punches and just got right back up.... never saying a thing. She was a mom and had a job to do, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. More than anything, that is what I learned from Betty... to get back up.
What to say about my Aunt Glenda. Glenda is the aunt that everyone wanted to be around. She lived out of town, so when she came to town there was always a big get together. Everyone changed when she was there... all daily dramas were forgotten and people were laughing and relaxed. Glenda let us play with her expensive cameras, handed out clothes, snuck the kids Margarittas and said swear words to us for shock value! Glenda was cool :) For me though, Glenda was my "escape". She always treated me like an adult, which was something I craved so much. When I was a teenager Glenda let me come down to Oklahoma for a summer to watch one of her new grandkids... it was so nice to get that one on one time with her. We really talked about things and debated ideas and ethics (which I loved to do). She took us on a bus ride to Texas to protest the closing of an Air Force Base. We went on canoe ride and she even gave me a wine cooler. To me, she was the coolest person in the world...and she liked me! That was a huge confidence boost. One night there was a storm and all the lights went out in the neighborhood. We got candles and went to the "circle" outside her apartment and just talked for a really long time. That is my favorite memory. A few years later, when things were getting really hard in my world, Glenda let me bring one of the kids down to stay with her. We spent weeks working through things and she just "listened" as I talked things out. That is Glenda's most wonderful gift... she listens, and doesn't judge you or try to tell you what to do. She just lets you vent and offers support. For a teenager going through some serious emotional chaos, that was the greatest gift of all.
My Aunt Janie. I was seventeen when I went to stay with my aunt (who is actually my cousin) in New York. She lives in the country and during one of our previous trips we had joked that it would be fun to come spend a semester at her house and try country life. I was really close with my New York cousins and had come to idolize Janie and her friend Peggy. They were great... bossy and very "parenting" of me. I was really craving that. I was living away from my mom at the time, and feeling very unhappy where I was. I had all these kids who were looking up to me and I was fighting with their parents. I was justa kid but felt so very grown up and stuck. I felt so much responsibility and was very overwhelmed. Janie stepped in at exactly the right time in my life, and filled a very big void. She wasn't like my mom and Judy.... they babied me. Not her. She was strong and opinionated.... and even though she really was like Glenda, fun and silly,... with me, she pretended to be the "boss". In truth, I knew I could have just walked out at any time, but I was loving this new routine. At her house it was such a different dynamic. They had their own rooms....and so did I, which was amazing in itself! Her kids had rules, chores, and everyone attended church. It felt very much like pretending.... to be mad at having to do the dishes, or begging to stay home from school. I think she and I both knew that it was just fun to for me to hear the words, "No Regina, you can't!!!" In my world, that was never said and in a wierd kind of way...it was so nice to have someone else take the wheel. I felt like a kid there ( well, as close as I have ever felt like a kid anyhow). I was silly, and didn't worry about everyone. I played basketball, and walked in the fields. I rode a bike and swam in the crick. We played tricks on passing cars, and behaved irresponsibly. I let go, and was so very happy. I will always be grateful to Janie for giving me that. I hope she knows how amazing she and Peggy are, and I will never forget my last school day when they took me to the beach and we had breakfast and talked. It meant the world to me.
And of course, there is my mom. I cannot even begin to say enough about how amazing my mom is. There is nothing in this world that my mom has loved more than being a mother. She always hugged me and never once stopped me when I wanted to crawl into her lap. Every single night of my childhood, I curled up with her and she wrapped her arms around me until I fell asleep. She would watch my baby dolls for me and even slept on the couch one night because my baby dolls had already fallen asleep on her bed. I was so upset at the thought of waking them up to move them, that my mom just rolled her eyes and went to the couch. She was amazing. With my mom, I was the most important person in the world. She always made me feel that way. I was such an opinionated and dramatic little thing, and so full of my own ideas. She didn't always understand my passion, but she never dismissed it. My mom would listen to me debate for hours, and work out some ethical dilema I had heard about. And though she didn't cave when I begged her to move me to California so I could chase my movie star dreams, she talked to me in such a sweet way apologizing and trying to make me understand that she couldn't just move all of us to another state. My mom was so incredibly patient and protective of my heart. I love her for that. There are so many things I could list that my mom has done, but instead I will list what she has given me. She gave me strength...because she is one of the strongest people I know. She was so protective of my feelings and of us kids, and I am proud to say that she has taught me to be that way with the kids I love. Watching my mom with older people is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. She is an angel for these special people. My mom is patient and she is understanding. From Dene and James, to Grandma, to Nancy, and so many families along the way... my mom has provided families with a hug when they needed it most. From my mom, I have learned empathy, and how doing a little extra can make all the difference. I love my mom more than anything in this world. If I have done any good for anyone, it is because she has given me so much love, and so much support.
Women..... I am so grateful for these women, all of them, for helping me along the way. I have met so many kids who would give anything to have had even one person to take them under their wing, to hug them, to care. I am very aware of how blessed I am.... and if any of you are reading this, please know that from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
